Perfection Infection: No More Perfect Kids

Diving into Jill Savage's book "No More Perfect Moms" further she taught me some things about controlling my expectations of perfection in regards to Andrew and any additional children that God may bless us with.


Without even realizing it I expect a lot out of Andrew and often forget that he isn't even 2 years old yet. I expect him to be a well behaved little boy, like any mother would, but I shouldn't be shocked when he pushes boundaries and lacks self-control. One thing that I desire most often is for him to be a little more independent in those moments that I need to get something done.  He loves to stay close to Mom and Dad and is always curious what we are doing. Often this leads to him following us around the house (getting stepped on or ran into when we don't realize he is right behind us) and being held so he can see what we are doing. With one less arm or a trailing crying toddler it can make this harder to do and often more frustrating.

Children push boundaries to find out where those boundaries are, I can safely say that this is probably a mom's most frustrating part of their jobs. Jill Savage reminds us not to take these actions personally. She says that once we do this we start losing control of our emotions, become angry, and lose focus on what is truly going on in that situation. She also warns of letting our anger and/or embarassment decide what the punishment will be.

This I have to take to heart - Andrew's favorite place to throw fits while in public seem to be parks and grocery stores and the reactions are night and day different. The looks that are received from others at the park are usually ones of understanding and reassurance. Every mom has taken their child from a park screaming their head off because they aren't ready to leave (rarely is a child ready to leave a place of endless fun). However some of the looks that are received at the grocery store bring on those thoughts of "Why are you doing this to me?", "Why can't you behave?", etc. 

Because of these looks that come my way at a minimum once a week, I have made it my mission to not let them get to me. I don't want any additional frustration to enter the situation and only make everything worse. I also find myself being more sympathetic to mom's in the same situation, offering them a simple smile expressing the "I've been their too" look.

We need to remember that our primary job is to train up our children in love. Jill Savage says that "the more we love unconditionally and the more we provide an emotionally safe and a relationally safe environment for our kids, the more love makes it safe to fail". Our kids need to be able to fail in daily life in order to learn.

Jill Savage expresses that to help us over come not having perfect kids we should...

1. Reject Pride and Embrace Humility - thank God no matter if our children make good or bad decisions, they are all learning situations.
2. Reject Insecurity and Embrace Confidence - in those public settings when tantrums occur calmly address the situation and ask those giving you 'those looks' to excuse you as you train your child.
3. Reject Judgement and Embrace Grace - remember that every time your child makes a mistake it is simply a learning experience (sometimes for both of you). 

The challenge that I took away from this chapter was to remind myself that my expectations need to stay in check and to dismiss those not so friendly looks that are sometimes received. It is more important to not let those affect my reaction to the situation. God blessed us with a wonderful little boy and has trusted us to raise him up in His image, that is the goal that I strive to.

Our Sweet, Imperfect Little Guy