"Learning to live with kids requires making major adjustments in our realistic expectations. We have to learn to expect the unexpected, find flexibility, and increase the margin. Instead of getting frustrated lets stop expecting a fantasy and instead embrace reality."
All I can say is wow, that really hit home to me. I often found myself waking up in the morning with an agenda and a long list of to dos. Not sure who I was kidding, who can really keep that kind of agenda when you have a toddler?
I would get extremely frustrated if I wasn't able to get everything done on my list and would feel like I failed. It was as if I had missed a major deadline at work and I was going to get fired. This never helped my feeling of lacking accomplishments that had been boiling up since I left the working world. I know that home is where God has called me to be but it has been an interesting transition.
I have learned that you need to expect the unexpected every day. Every activity of the day will be interrupted by something, a mommy come see, a boom that needs a kiss and a cuddle, a push while cooking because he wants my attention, something has been spilled, a toy that isn't working the way he wants, and the list could go on forever. It is in these moments that we need two things that Jill Savage points out, Self-Control and Perspective.
When my plans don't go quite how I would have liked I need self-control to keep my tongue in check (goes back to remembering that he is a toddler and he is testing boundaries and will make mistakes). There is no reason to raise my voice to him in most situations, although some may need a stern tone to them, but I need to keep my frustrations down and just go with what is happening. I love how she writes about having perspective..."the moment we are in is just as important as the one planned", "embrace 'what is' instead of 'what could have been'".
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than conquer a city. (Proverbs 16:32)
Jill Savage writes that we should view those not planned for moments as God appointments. We may not have planned on that instant happening but God has a purpose and a reason for them. Often these are the best camera moments and can bring such joy to our days.
An unexpected moment of having my pots and pan drawer emptied and
turned into a play area, he was sad I only let him stay long enough for a picture.
I have changed how I plan out my day now. I plan one activity and one or two chore/cleaning items. The activity may not always be something fun but is more something that gets us out of the house. For instance, I do our main grocery shopping once every three weeks, with small trips every week to purchase fresh fruits and milk, so as you can guess on those mornings we don't have a lot of time left to spare for a fun activity outside the house. It is a good thing he loves to ride in the "car carts" that our grocery stores have (and yes I am a crazy mom that circles the parking lot looking for one in a cart coral if I can't see any inside the doors; Todd finds this embarrassing). On these days with a non-fun activity I try to sit down with him and be fully focused on playing with him for at least 45 minutes, no distractions (no tv, no phone, etc). The chore/cleaning items are usually completed right after lunch, a full belly usually means a happy boy and he is generally content helping me clean.
The rest of our day is a go with the flow kind of thing. If our activity didn't take very long and it is nice outside we jump in the stroller or on the bike and make our way to a park or the library. These surprise events can change the tone of the day and bring some of our greatest memories.
Mixing up a marinade for mommy - my happy chef
The other thing I have learned is to get Andrew involved as much as possible. He loves to help and is great at doing things like mixing up ingredients for a marinade inside a storage bag, dusting the furniture (yes this is usually after I have already done it) and now as he is getting older he is able to get things that I ask for. Doing this makes him feel involved and that smile he has when he has accomplished something is priceless.
I traded my days in the business world that were full of interruptions by adults to days filled with interruptions from my little guy, and I would never go back.
This morning it was overly hot outside so our fun activity was
a trip to the library, he loves to play with the train and Lego tables
What if I was never disappointed with how things turn out because I never expected anything specific?
- Jill Savage -
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