Perfection Infection: No More Perfect Marriages

When I think about how people must view Todd and I's marriage I see them thinking that we have it all together, but that is not true. I think back to a girls night with a bunch of ladies from my Bible study group. I don't remember how the topic came up but one of the ladies started going around the room saying whether or not she envisioned each couple fighting. When she reached me she said that she couldn't see us fighting. Granted this was all in fun but it really made me think about how we really don't know what happens inside other people's homes.

For Todd and I heated arguments are not a daily thing, nor even a weekly thing, but they do happen; we have ickiness in our marriage just like everyone else. We have been married for just over six years now but we are approaching the thirteen year mark of being together as a couple (yup that's right your math was correct, I was 15 and Todd was 17). In those thirteen years together our relationship has seen a lot of ups and downs but that is the natural ebb and flow of a relationship. 

The love that a husband and wife have will not always be the sweet, caring, mushiness that is displayed all over our word. The truth is that there will be differences, conflict, selfishness (Philippians 2:3-5), and pride (Proverbs 16:18). But what makes a marriage powerful is the choice that we make to love each other even when things aren't picture perfect. That choice gets us through the times when the feeling of love isn't fully there.

That choice can mean different things to different people, it is all in the different strengths and struggles that your relationship have. The most powerful thing for me to remember (and I know I didn't do a great job of this in our first years of marriage) is to respect Todd. Ephesians 5:33 calls a man to love his wife and a wife to respect her husband.

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33, ESV)

I knew that God wanted me to put Todd as the head of our household but that was hard for me to grasp when I was submerged in a culture telling me that I was independent and submission was a terrible thing. But when I realized that the words I was reading in Ephesians (see Ephesians 5:21-23, 25) were not suggestions but how God expected a marriage to function, life got a lot easier. Just as a woman needs to be loved, a man needs to be respected. 

By no means do I have all of these areas figured out and I stumble sometimes. Jill Savage writes in her book "No More Perfect Moms" that there are four areas to remember...

• Replace Pride with Humility -  "Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2. We have to be willing to take responsibility in our relationship and ask ourselves if an area of disagreement is worth a battle or if it simply an area where compromise can be made. Jill Savage uses the example of supper...is it so terrible to have Mexican when you were thinking Italian?
• Replace Fear with Courage - take a risk with your husband and share honestly. I have learned in our years together that I am most comfortable when I am able to share what is going on with me with Todd. Some topics may be embarassing but even so it feels better to have him know what is going on with me.
• Replace Insecurity with Confidence - Don't expect your husband to fill every role in your life. This was one area of struggle for me in the past. I didn't have a lot of friends during my college years so I relied on him to fill that area of my life as well. We need our husbands in a healthy and balanced way.
• Replace Judgement with Grace - Remember that we are all going to fail sometimes and we will need to give each other grace. Sometimes it is easier to give grace to others than yourself, but don't forget yourself when supper goes wrong...if it is really that bad there is always take-out.

Our First Prom Together (April 2001)    /    Our Wedding Day (June 2007)

My 16th Birthday surprise from my parents    /    Our Wedding Day

Todd surprised me with finding the same people that took us for a ride on my 16th birthday.

Everyday I thank God for blessing me with such an amazing man to call my husband. He is an amazing partner in life and friend. I don't know what I would do without him. Our marriage is not perfect and it never will be, but we strive to make it as strong as it possibly can be and keep it based around God.

One Imperfect Woman + One Imperfect Man = An Amazing (Imperfect) Marriage