Lately this has hit me hard, so hard that it has greatly affected my life. Right before I found out that I was pregnant with Andrew I was in probably the best overall shape of my life (not my lowest weight, but that was an ideal goal to meet). I was running 2 miles every couple of days, lifting weights to tone, and achieving my goal of a flatter stomach. I don't have to tell anyone that it all quickly changed with my growing baby bump, but I was completely okay with that knowing the miracle growing inside of me. It was after Andrew was born that the struggles began.
I quickly learned that breast feeding is a great weight loss tool (obviously not the reason that I did it, just an added benefit). The baby weight quickly started to fall away and I got below the weight I was before I got pregnant with very little exercise. I wasn't living in a fantasy world though, I knew some weight would come back on once I stopped breast feeding, which it did. But even as that weight fell off I couldn't get over how different I was. Not only was my stomach no longer as flat as it used to be it now had lots of stretch marks and creases that made me very self conscious. I didn't want anyone to see them, especially not Todd.
I don't know exactly how or why but I became okay with them. I accepted that these were just my forever reminder that I carried our little boy for 9 months plus and delivered him at a whooping 8lbs 2oz (his size didn't come from my side of the family, that was for sure). I never liked wearing bikinis anyways, so what did it matter.
By the time that I got to this acceptance point I was nearing the end of nursing Andrew. Any mom out there that has breast fed knows how much that can change your body. This one probably hit me harder. I felt like I had lost part of my identity and I was crushed. It wasn't until I got to this point in the book "No More Perfect Moms" that I found the last bit of encouragement that I needed; Bible verses (why I didn't go here in the first place I'm not sure)...
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Being reminded that this body is not mine, but God's made me realize that he has a plan for me and that includes what my body looks like and the emotional ride that I went through.
"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
This was the most encouraging. God won't choose not to use me in his plan because I don't have the same body that I used to, yes he wants me to honor and take care of it, but the little details won't stop him from using me.
Jill Savage writes in her book a few differences in how God views us verses how the world views us...
God sees Possibilities, the world sees Liabilities
God sees Strengths, the world sees Weaknesses
God sees Who we are, the world sees Who we aren't
I have become encouraged to not get upset about the appearance of my body and what it is "lacking" by society standards but instead to focus and get motivated on developing what God wants me to work on, the Fruit of the Spirit. Looking at our bodies from God's perspective can move us from being insecure to being confident. For some this could be an instant change, it will not be that way for me, this process will take time and growth.
The important thing that I have found is to make peace with my body. I know it isn't "perfect" but I know that I have a God who loves me and a husband who loves me too. If they can both look past my flaws, I can learn to also.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23)
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